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Friday, 4 March 2011

Poem of Sadness

I wrote this a couple of months ago, in December I think.. Then everything was fine so I just tucked it away, until this week. It was written while lying in bed, unable to sleep, on my handphone, and hasnt been edited at all, so dont judge too harshly k? Not to mention I havent written any poems for years.. Lol.. =)

This week hasnt been a good one, most of it has been miserable.. The normal problems came along, worse than ever, and to top it all off, as I've learnt once again, there's a reason I never let anyone see me upset. Ever.

So here it is, on the internet, the only place I'm ever comfortable letting out some of my emotions..

Cold...
All alone...
I feel so lonely,
Feel like I’m on the outside looking in.

My pain...
Not visible...
But it runs deep,
Carefully concealed by the mask I'm so used to wearing.

Smile!
Laugh!
Let no one see the unhappiness...
Let no one see the ache in your heart...


Disappointments...
Life is full of them, oh yes...
But must you be the bearer of so much sorrow?
Are we so different that everything must hurt so?

Be gone!
Leave!
But wait...
My soul feels so empty without you...

Love...
Ah - love...
It twists our minds so,
Turning the obvious into a blur...

I feel it needs a better ending, but that's what came to me at the time, so that's what I'm posting up.. I dont want to over-edit and lose what I was feeling that night..

But yes, how I wish I could crawl into my big, lonely bed right now and curl up, cry my eyes out, and paste my smile on by the morning... Rather than getting to the edge of a cliff, and being pushed off the edge.. Cz really, when you need someone most, they're usually not gonna be there for you anyway.. Sigh.. I'm not as strong as everyone thinks I am, and trusting people has always been a problem for me, and it just seems the older you get the harder it is.. =(

Wow.. I think this is my most depressive / soul-bearing post yet.. Lol.. You can just ignore it if it makes you uncomfortable.. I just needed an outlet.. =) I had a lot of amazing support from some of you on facebook, and it really held me together.. Thanks so much for caring..
xxx

2 comments:

  1. Calis,stay strong ok? U ARE strong.. Deep down u are.. Things WILL get bttr.. Promise..
    Love u Many many.. :)))

    ReplyDelete
  2. Aww.. I love you many many too Ols!! *hugs* You're always my wall of strength.. My constant supporter.. =)

    ReplyDelete